


Lost on You

by conciergeredreddington



Category: The Blacklist (TV)
Genre: Denial of Feelings, F/F, F/M, M/M, Oral Sex, Rough Sex, Sex, Slow Burn, Torture, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-09
Updated: 2017-10-05
Packaged: 2018-12-13 08:24:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 15,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11755872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/conciergeredreddington/pseuds/conciergeredreddington
Summary: Reworking from from very beginning with a twist, will include flashbacks.  T for now but it will earn its E rating





	1. One - After all this time

One – After all this time – present time – season one from the beginning with a twist

 

She couldn’t believe what her eyes were telling her. There had to be some mistake. But no. There in front of her was Ray. Cuffed to a metal chair inside a glass box. You couldn’t tell it by looking at him though. He looked as relaxed as he would be sitting a table playing a game of cards. She knew. She had the pleasure of beating him often. 

He was one of her father’s oldest friends. Growing up, he popped in on them every few years or so. At the time, she had believed them when she was told he worked in shipping and mergers. It wasn’t until she decided to join the FBI she discovered the truth.

Ray, Raymond. The one man other than her father she had trusted her entire life, was number four on the FBI’s most wanted. Raymond Reddington. Traitor. Murderer. Spy. They called him ‘the Concierge of Crime’ but to her, he had always just been Ray.

She remembered the hurt she had felt. The betrayal. The trust between them shattered, the trust with her father dented. It had taken them years to get back to where they had been.

But Ray.

She had cut all ties with him. If Sam announced that he was calling in for a visit, Liz made herself scarce. She hadn’t been face to face with him in over ten years. And now there he was, invading her life all over again. And he had gotten caught on top of that! She had promised him, before she told him she never wanted anything to do with him ever again, that she wouldn’t tell her employers where he was, or how to find him. She had kept that promise. Did he know that? Or did he think she had betrayed him this time? Tit for tat?

She had questioned herself, as to why his betrayal had hurt so deeply when she had been able to forgive her father, who was just as culpable. It taken her a long time to reconcile the fact she had thought herself in love with him when she was a teenager and into her early twenties. She had been so deep into denial over her feelings that when she recognised them for what they were, her heart was betrayed all over again.

She had tried to call him. Needed to hear his voice. To hear that he was okay. It had been five years however, and the number she had for him no longer worked. She couldn’t ask Sam, though she knew he was give whatever contact information he had for Ray.

“You have no idea why he will only speak to you?”

Liz turned her head, keeping Ray in her peripheral vision.

“What?”

“He walked into headquarters today, gave his name and waited to be taken into custody. We transport him here, where he gives us some story about a terrorist attack and then tells us the only one he will speak to, is you,” the ginger Agent shook his head, disbelieving.

Liz’s eyes widened.

“He gave himself up?” What the hell was he playing at?

Ressler nodded, unable to mask the puzzled look on his face.

Liz turned back to Ray, finding his gaze locked on her. He still looked at her with the same intensity in his eyes. She internally shook herself. It wouldn’t do any good to react as if they had been close at one point in her life.

“Do you find it odd Reddington surrendered himself the day you started working as a profiler?” Copper watched her, trying to work out the connection with Ray.

“I think that it suggests he was waiting for me, probably because I'm new and he thinks I can be easily manipulated. The man obviously doesn't know me very well.” Another lie. He knew her better than she knew herself, or he had done.

“To answer your question, I have no idea why he would want me here.” She was good at that, lying to people’s faces when the need arose. He had taught her that without even knowing it. Not that he called it lying, not when it was directed to her. His argument had always been that he had never directly lied to her, only that he had let her assume. A lie by omission was still a lie however, and if Liz hated one thing, it was people lying to her.

“What exactly do we know about him?” Liz wondered what was in his file she had never knew about. As a rookie in training, they were given some information but she was stupid enough to think they were given it all.

“Raymond "Red" Reddington attended the Naval Academy. Top of his class. Graduated by the time he was 24. He was being groomed for admiral. Then in 1990, Reddington's coming home to see his wife and his daughter for Christmas. He never arrives. This highly respected officer up and disappears from the face of the earth until four years later when classified documents start showing up in Maghreb, Islamabad, Beijing. These leaks were traced to Reddington. This guy's an equal opportunity offender, a facilitator of sorts, who's built an enterprise brokering deals for fellow criminals. He has no country. He has no political agenda. Reddington's only allegiance is to the highest bidder.”

Liz blinked. They knew a lot, but nothing at the same time. Or Ressler was holding back to see how she reacted. What he was telling her didn’t match up with the man she knew. 

“I suppose I should go and ask him them.”

As she opened the door to make her way down the steps to his side, she heard the hydraulics of the box he was seated in shift.

Liz paused as she reached a chair, ten feet from where he was shackled to his own. She lifted it and moved it forward a few feet, wanting to show the Agents looking on that she held no fear of this man, even contained as he was.

As she sat, she folded her hands in her lap, seeing his eyes drop to them before raising to meet her own.

“Well, I’m here.”

She watched his eyes crinkled like he was holding back a smile.

“Agent Keen. What a pleasure.”

His voice washed over her and again, Liz had to give herself a mental shake.

“Care to tell me why I'm here?” Her head tilted as she watched him. He had aged, but in that way men did. Like a fine wine.

Ray seemed to read the question she could not voice aloud and shifted his eyes up to the glass booth holding Cooper and Ressler before returning his gaze to her.

“You look good Lizzie.”

Liz frowned. She hadn’t been called Lizzie since she had pushed him from her life. He was the only one to ever call her by that pet name, and the fact that he was doing so now would surly give the game up that they had once knew each other.

“Its Agent Keen to you. Why am I here? I won’t ask again so either tell me the truth, or go back in the box until they find a deep enough hole.”

He flinched, only slightly, but she saw it, and only when she demanded the truth. He didn’t seem concerned that they could make him disappear.

“There is an attack planned for sometime within the next six months, right here in Washington. I gave myself up to stop it from happening.”

Elizabeth looked up to the room where the AD was, watching him pick up the phone before she returned her attention to Ray.

“Okay, fine. Tell me what you know and we’ll stop this.”

Ray laughed. Not just a chuckle, but a belly laugh. She had forgotten how good that sounded.

“Goodness no Lizzie, the FBI won’t be able to stop this thing without my help, and Harold already has my terms. Do you get home much?” His head tilted as he watched her, and she could read the longing in his gaze. “I haven’t been home in such a long time, over ten years to be exact.” His eyes bore into hers, making sure she understood his message.

Liz bowed her head slightly, wanting to answer him but knowing that the agents upstairs would think the line of conversation odd.

Ray seemed to realise that at the same time and sniffed once before crossing his legs.

“Go and talk to Harold. Tell him to look into a biochemical engineer named Zamani and then tell him if he wants to stop this thing, I need exactly what I’ve asked for.”

Liz nodded once and stood up, turning her back on him and making her way to the stairs.

“It’s so good to be back home.”

Liz froze and turned back to face him, finding his gaze once more on her own. She turned on her heel and made her way back to him, leaning over him in the chair, uncaring of the shout from above.

“Sometimes Ray, we can never go back home.” She kept her voice low and her eyes fixed on his.

He heard her but had no time to counter as Ressler appeared at her side.

“Keen, upstairs. Now.”

Liz looked back at Ressler and nodded, once more turning on her heel, not looking back this time.

\----

Raymond ‘Red’ Reddington sat calm as day as he watched Lizzie walk away from him. Inside, his blood felt like it was boiling him alive. He wished he hadn’t been cuffed to the chair. There was nothing more he wanted in the world than to take Lizzie into his arms and hug the life out of her. 

This was the first time they had been face to face in over ten years, but he had continued to check in on her through those years, keeping out of her line of sight. He was there for all the big achievements bar one. He had not attended her wedding. His rage at Tom that day had been demonic. It had taken all of his closest people to keep him from storming in and killing him with his bare hands. He had hired him to protect her, not to betray him and marry her. 

Red had gone to great lengths through the years to protect Lizzie and Sam, and then she went and joined the fucking FBI. His life had been going well, too well, so obviously, it was about to take a nose dive. He knew it. He was expecting it. What he wasn’t expecting was for Lizzie to come home from college, announce she had applied for the FBI and was accepted to train at Quantico. He had tried, so many times, to tell her before she went. To make her understand the truth and no what they would teach her about him. But the middle east had decided to implode and he was needed to smooth things over for the British government with a Saudi Prince he had a relationship with. By the time he got back stateside, it was too late and everything had fallen apart. She refused to speak to him at first. Nearly three months after she had discovered who Red was, he had finally cornered her when she had returned home for Christmas. Sam had not been happy to be put in the middle when things were strained enough between him and his daughter, but Red had convinced him.

Lizzie had not been pleased. He was a stranger to her now. Every moment they had spent together tainted with lies she said. She never knew how deeply her words cut when she told him they were done, that he was nothing to her.

She had stormed from the house then. Sam had taken one look at him and had known. Red left that night, a stranger in the one place he considered home.

But now she was back in his life, not through her own choosing true, but he would keep her safe from the truth of who she was, is. The terror attack was the carrot. He already knew all the information surrounding that. One phone call and the cell would be put down. But he needed to be close to Lizzie, and to have a reason suitable enough to her employers. The net he had put over Sam and Elizabeth had gotten smaller the older she got, and now that she was an Agent, it was disappearing altogether.

On the off chance that the FBI wanted more than just this attack stopped in order to grant him his deal, Red had a Plan B. For over twenty years he had worked with everyone from the lowest form of life right up to and including the Vice President of the United States, putting together a list full of the worst of the worst. 

\----

“Where's the girl? It's been four hours and your people haven't made any demands.” Liz sat down in the chair facing him again, watching as he scowled.

“My people?” Why would she think he would have anything to do with the abduction of a child? “I told you Zamani would take the girl. I told you that's all I knew. The rest is in your hands now.”

Liz sighed. Even knowing who he was, she knew he wouldn’t hurt a child.

“I need your help with Zamani.”

Red looked up and et her eyes, a twinkle in his own as he took in her features. What he wouldn’t give for a cigar, a scotch and a conversation with Lizzie without the FBI listening in. “How about a trade? You tell me and I'll tell you. Tell me about the scar on your palm. I've noticed how you stroke it.” He knew where that scar came from, he had his own after all. He also knew the story Elizabeth had been told about its origins. She wondered what story she in turn had told the FBI.

“There was a fire. I was fourteen.” Liz rolled her eyes at him, knowing what he was up to.  
“Is a child really what you want?” He couldn’t help himself. He hated Tom with a passion and refused point blank to let Lizzie start a family with him.

Liz scowled. He had been keeping tabs on her then, she had wondered if he would. Anger at his interfering in her life boiled over and the words were out before she could stop them.

“You lost the right to speak about kids when you abandoned your wife and daughter on Christmas Eve.”

She could tell by the pain in his eyes she had gone too far with that one and the guilt she felt was crushing. She knew the story, or at least, a story, but even after finding out the truth of who he was, she believed him about what had happened.

She hoped he read the apology in her eyes even as she got them back on track.

“The girl.”

“You won't find the girl until you learn to look at this differently. Like a criminal. Which may come easier than you think. Shall I show you?”

He accepted her apology then. Liz reached for his cuff and unchained him from the chair, but that was all.

Red half laughed as he took in their information boards. “Well, at least you know what Zamani looks like. Oh, my goodness! I haven't seen him in years. Very interesting fellow. Completely unrelated to this. You're pointing at the wrong guy here. Miroslav. They call him The Chemist. A highly regarded munitions expert. He left MIT to work for the Russian, Vor Usoyan. Last two years very expensive freelancer. I don't know what the hell any of this is. Ooh, the German. A banker. Name's Reinhardt. He's most likely moving the money. What about the girl? What do you have on the girl and her father?”

He stopped and looked at them all before focusing on Lizzie. They all, her included, had a surprised look on their faces as he put everything together so quickly.

“Your 36-hour timeline would suggest a singular event. Something in DC. I'm not sure how the girl fits.”

“What about the Chemist?” He was leading her and she knew it. She wondered if the others had picked up on that fact.

“Important, well paid. Whatever Zamani's planning is expensive. Some sort of attack?” She looked to him for assurance she was on the right page.

“You're thinking like a cop. Cops are so objective. They're obligated to protocols. Make it personal.” It was personal for him, very personal. 

“Zamani's sick.” Red smiled at her, his back to the others. It hadn’t taken her long to pick the bones of the case. “CIA says he carries Nipah virus. Dying makes him dangerous.” He could watch her brainstorm all day.

“So what does he desperately want before he dies? And how does that relate to the little girl?”

“Her father, the General, spent time in Bosnia supporting NATO troops in the Bihac Pocket region. Zamani's home. He bombed a chemical weapons facility poisoning the village.”

Liz froze and turned to look a Ray. “It's about his family. They died, Zamani survived. He wants revenge. He hired the Chemist to build a bomb, detonate it in Washington. He's gonna use Beth to settle the score deliver the bomb.”

Red smiled, pleased she had cracked the case with little input from him. He moved closer to her as she stared at the photograph of Beth. “I have an acquaintance. They call him The Innkeeper, runs a series of safe houses. Lean on him. He'll know where to find the Chemist. You find the Chemist, you'll find Zamani and then the girl.”

Red turned his attention to Harold, knowing he had to the power to grant this next request. “If you want to capture Zamani, he must believe I'm moving freely, in touch with old friends, staying in one of my favourite hotels.”

The look on Cooper’s face forced Liz to hold in a chuckle.

\----

Liz closed the front door behind herself and left out a deep breath. How was this her life? It was her first day in the field and Ray had her chasing a bio terrorist around the city. All she wanted to do was have a glass of wine, snuggle up with Tom on the couch and relax.

And most importantly, not think about Raymond at all.

The scene that greeted her as she entered her kitchen was anything but relaxing.

“Sit down or I shoot him.” The very man she was looking for was standing in her kitchen in front of her husband. Liz looked from Zamani to Tom, already bleeding, tied to a kitchen chair, and sat.

“See, Tom and I, we have been talking, trying to figure out how you knew I was in town. I told him you figured out my plan to take the General's daughter.”

“Tom, it’s gonna be okay,” Liz only had eyes for Tom.

“And then you found my Chemist. Not that I mind, one less person to pay, however I want to know how.”

Zamani sliced Tom with the knife across the chest once more and Liz trembled.

“We only knew about the bomb and the girl. That’s it.”

“You're not as smart as Reddington says. My friend, he is always so obsessed with you. I'm not sure why.”

Liz threw Zamani a look full of hatred even as he shrugged. Before she could react, he had thrust the knife into Tom’s stomach. 

“Now you have a choice. Save one, or many.” 

Liz let him leave and caught Tom as he slumped over.

“It’s gonna be okay, I promise.”

She reached for the phone to dial 911, praying she wasn’t lying to him. Another part of her mind, one detached from the events around her, drifted to Reddington. If he had anything to do with this, she just knew her world would collapse in on itself once more.

\----

“Tell me you didn’t do this.” Her voice shook as she stormed over to him at the dinner table in the swanky hotel suite.

“Do what?” Red wiped his mouth and threw the napkin onto the table.

“He was in my house! My husband is on a ventilator because Zamani came into my home and stuck a knife into his gut!”

“Did he mention the girl or the bomb?” Red turned his head to look at her, checking to see if she was unharmed. “Think Lizzie, what did he say?”

Liz shook as she kept seeing Tom bleeding out in her mind. “Why the hell was he in my house?! Tell me! You know him! Why is my husband dying in a hospital right now?!”

Red sucked in a breath, knowing what he was about to say was going to make her angry. “The truth is, despite your feelings, your husband doesn't matter. Zamani did you a favour, Lizzie.” 

Maybe that was a little too far, Red though as he felt her stab a pen into his neck.

“Now, you know I just punched a hole in your carotid. Best chance, one minute before you pass out. So, here's how it's gonna work. You tell me how I find Zamani and make this right, or I let you die right here. Understand?”

Red winced as he felt the blood drip down onto his shirt. He liked that shirt.

“Yes Lizzie, I understand. But if I die, you’ll never learn the truth about anything.”

Liz pulled the pen free from his neck and applied the napkin to stem the blood. She was pissed as hell at him, but she didn’t want him to die. Mindful that the room was bugged though, she couldn’t tell him that.

“Hospital first and then you tell me everything.”

Red passed out as he felt her hand cup his face even as she called to the Agent on the door.

\----

Red woke up lying on a hospital bed and had a moment of panic before he took stock of himself. Lizzie had stabbed him in the neck. He didn’t know if he was feeling proud or offended. She had come the closest, in all his years being who he was, of taking him out.

“Tell me.”

His head turned there she was. They were finally in a room where they could speak freely.

“I’ve missed you Lizzie.”

Liz shook her head no. She wasn’t doing this. Not here.

“Haven’t you missed me at all?”

Her lower lip trembled. He looked drained in that bed and it was her fault, but then she remembered, her husband was down the hall, hooked up to machines, in part, because of this man.

“Ray, I don’t have time for this. I am sorry I stabbed you in the neck but please, just tell me how to find the girl and the bomb.”

Red closed his eyes, savouring his name on her lips once more.

Liz took a step closer.

“Please Ray, if I ever meant anything to you, tell me what you know.”

His eyes opened and he reached out, grasping her hand with his, tightening his grip when she made to pull back.

“Never doubt you worth to me Elizabeth.”

The intensity in his gaze convinced her that whatever it was she meant to him in the past, was still very much present.

She gave his hand a soft squeeze and he released her to sit up in the bed.

“I need to meet with him, and I need to do it without the FBI present, so you’re going to have to let me escape Lizzie.”

\----

“You gave him a chemical weapon Reddington.”

“That’s the price of doing business Harold. You know that. Besides, he's better off with it, all he wants is to study it, he's fascinated by them.” Red shrugged.

“Well, I think we’re done.” Cooper stood up and gesture for the others to follow.

Plan B it was then.

“This was fun. Let’s do it again.” Red smirked at the blank stares he got in return. “Zamani was only the first name on the list.”

Ressler scowled. “What list?”

Red tilted his head. “The Blacklist. That's why we're all here, of course. My wish list. A list I've been cultivating for over twenty years. Politicians, mobsters, hacker’s spies, you name it.”

“We kind of have our own list.” Ressler smirked.

Red rolled his eyes, wondering why Lizzie wasn’t at this meeting. “Agent Ressler, please. We all know your Top Ten is little more than a publicity campaign. It's a popularity contest at best. I'm talking about the criminals who matter. The ones you can't find because you don't even know they exist. Zamani was a small fish.  
I'm Ahab. And if you want the whales on my list, you have to play by my rules.  
I never sleep in the same location for more than two nights in a row. I want a fully encrypted 8-millimeter tag embedded in my neck, not that garbage from Alpha-Chip you stuck in my shoulder. I want my own security. I've compiled a list of five acceptable applicants. Pick two. Whatever I tell you falls under an immunity package that I negotiate myself. And finally, most importantly, I speak only with Elizabeth Keen.”

\----

“Well, whatever you said to them, you have me.”

Red squinted as the light flooded the dark cell they had him in. when his eyes focused, he took in the look on her face and just knew.

“You’ve discovered something about your husband Lizzie.”

“Ray, tell me I didn’t find what I found, that there is some sort of explanation for it.”  
His head tilted. He wasn’t a mind reader but he could take an educated guess at what she had discovered.

“Tom Keen isn’t who he says he is Lizzie.”

She stepped back to allow him out of the cell and couldn’t help taking in his scent. They were alone, as much as they could be when they were on camera, but there were no listening devices.

“I rang Sam. He's pissed as hell at you.”

Red smiled, picturing the man’s jaw locked as he processed what Lizzie told him over the phone.

“Lizzie, believe me when I say, the only reason I gave myself up was to be close to you. Things are in motion, events which will collide into your life in ways you cannot possibly fathom.”

Liz frowned and yanked on his arm to pull him into the elevator. Cryptic much.

“Ray, we are not friends. We sure as hell aren’t family. You are my CI, that is all. I don’t want you thinking us working together is a way to get back into my life. There is no way back into it, you made sure of that when you lied to me for most of it.”

Red swallowed hard. “You might not want me in your life Elizabeth, but you need me. And for now, that will do.”

Liz side eyed him before pressing the button for the war room floor of the Post Office.

“I need to know what the hell is going on with Tom.”

Red sighed and lifted his cuffed hands to scratch his head. “Lizzie, you wouldn’t believe me if I told you. You need to discover it on your own. As much as it pains me to say it, I understand that you have no faith in me or in what I tell you, and that is my own fault. But you must believe me when I tell you that you are one of the very few people I care about, and I’ll be damned if a man like Tom Keen is going to hurt you.”

Liz took a deep breath and turned to him before the doors opened to a room full of people.

“You’re right Reddington. I don’t trust you. I don’t think I ever will again, but I am willing to work with you.”

Red gave a half smile, even as he pained at hearing her call him by his last name, as if the closeness they had once shared meant nothing to her.

She reached down and grasped his cuffed hand, giving it a squeeze as the elevator ground to a stop.

“Never say never though. Someone wise taught me that.”

The smile on his face as they left the yellow box couldn’t have been hidden if he tried.

tbc


	2. The Freelancer

Two – The Freelancer – present time

\----tbl----

“Do you know just how long I have had to sit and answer the most tedious of questions regarding you? Seriously Reddington, if turning up here, demanding to speak only to me, was supposed to endear you to me? Not working.” Liz scowled as she sat in front of him, watching as he rubbed at the back of his head.

“I’m up next I fear.” He could fake a polygraph with the best of them, but it was time consuming, time they didn’t have. 

“Well, we both know that there isn’t a more skilled liar in any room, so my guess is you’ll do fine.”

He scowled up at her as she stood. The sooner his deal was sorted and he could get out of the building, the sooner she was going to sit down and listen to him. He wasn’t taking no for an answer.

\----tbl----

“You're asking the wrong questions.” He was getting frustrated with the time wasting. “I'm trying to help you with a matter of some urgency. It's your choice whether you listen to me or not, but there will be an incident at 11:00 this morning at the Decatur industrial park. I would send ambulances.”

\----tbl----

“Sixty people have been confirmed dead and dozens injured after a passenger train derailed this morning at the Decatur industrial park because you don't return my calls, Harold. If you want to save lives and catch the bad guys, pay attention.” Red rolled his eyes at Cooper. He hated when people didn’t listen to him.

“We've ruled out terrorism.”

God, it was any wonder crimes were solved at all.

“Look at the list of casualties, Harold. You'll find some councilwoman from Albany. Apparently, she's been tangling with some rather cunning, powerful people.”

“You're saying the derailment was an assassination?” Cooper sat forward in his seat, wondering what he was missing.

“I'm not saying anything. Unless it's to Elizabeth Keen.”

\----tbl----

“So, tell me about this train wreck.” She mumbled under her breath something about their relationship, which he heard, but which the mics around them would not have.

“The train accident was no accident. You know that. But what you don't know is the man behind it Is quite prolific. He's responsible for a slew of other premeditated killings just like this one, disguised as accidents. Shall I go on?” He caught her eyes and leaned forward towards her, his eyes drinking in the sight of her. He had missed her so.

“A building collapses in Moscow, a ferry capsizes on the Brahmaputra river. These are the events we've come to expect on the evening news. But in truth, there's always more to the story. Hidden between the facts and figures, the victims and the heroes, there's always a murder. The work of a man who disguises his killings in the headlines of everyday tragedies. What proof do you have? His work is difficult to detect, but the victims are there. An appellate court judge in Ohio, a French diplomat who dies in a plane crash. Look closer. The pattern will emerge. Over the last seven years, more than 3,000 innocent civilians have died, all collateral victims because of this man's unique methods. In the 20-odd years I've been working my side of the tracks, I have not encountered another contractor who's had as significant an impact on the civilian population as he. He's rivalled only by governments and terrorist organizations.”

Elizabeth took a breath as he locked eyes with her. His voice was hypnotising. 

“And you've never heard of him.”

She knew then, right then, that he would get whatever deal he wanted. 

“I have it on good authority that his next contract will take him to New York. This is not an opportunity to ponder or deliberate, because once he's done, he's gone.”

Red reached out as if to take her hand before he caught himself. I’ve met him once, brokered a few jobs. He works through an intermediary. He might be for sale. Perhaps I should set a meeting.”

Liz nodded her head, not caring that she needed Cooper to sign off on what Ray was proposing.

“You should come. Just the two of us, no wires, no clumsy agents in the bushes.” He wanted an evening alone, without the Feds listening in. “You want me to make an introduction, you need to trust me with my source.” When Liz reluctantly nodded her consent, the smile that crossed his face made him look oddly childlike. “What fun! You'll need a dress; we’re going to Montreal.”

She went to stand up when he made a noise of protest, causing her to sit back down.

“Have you spoken to your father lately?”

Liz shook her head no, wondering why he was asking.

“You should. No one should go long without talking to their loved ones. Ring him Lizzie.”

Something was up. Why would he risk talking to her about Sam where they could hear, any more than he had already that it.

“We’ll leave as soon as you can set the meeting.”

\----tbl----

They were settled in his plane, which Lizzie had to wrap her head around, when he broached the subject of Tom. While they were alone, as in no cameras or bugs, there were other Agents on-board with them, so he kept his voice low when he asked if she had discovered anything.

“What do you know about the passports? As far as I'm concerned, you put it there.”

“Put what, Lizzie?” He was genuinely confused

“The box. The money and the gun. The passports.”

Red sighed, he could have guessed as much, and now he would have to tell her something else that she would dislike. “Who else have you told about this? Cooper?”

Liz shook her head no even as tears filled her eyes and bile rose into her throat.

“If you go to the police, they'll file charges. If the gun is not registered, it's a felony. The passports are 25 years apiece. On the other hand, if you confront him, what good does that do? He'll deny everything, and you'll continue to doubt me. We will talk about this Lizzie, when there are not so many ears about.”

She looked away before standing up and moving to the front of the plane, putting space between them. Red sighed as he watched her. This was going to get so much worse before it even began to get a little bit better. 

\----tbl----

“Before we do this, let me be clear I'm not here to socialize. I have no interest in having dinner with you, reminiscing about the past, talking about anything other than the reason we are here and nor do we have the time for any of that. We meet your contact, we get the name of the next victim, and we go. Understood?” Liz laid down the rules as she saw them.

“I agree with you completely. But it is a restaurant, and it is dinnertime. Anyone asks, you're my girlfriend.” He smirked as he said it even as he pulled her chair out for her.

“Absolutely not.” Her voice was firm. She wasn’t faking that.

“Fine. Then you can be the daughter of a dear friend.” Red smiled as he sat opposite her, opening the wine list.

Their drinks ordered, Red crossed his legs and made himself comfortable.

“Tell me about your job. The profiling. I'm fascinated. How close to the truth do you think you can really get?”

Liz didn’t want to make chit chat. She wanted to meet the contact and get out of there.

“Tell me my profile.” He wouldn’t be put off.

Well, he asked for it. Liz mentally cracked her knuckles watched the waiter set their drinks down. She waited until he left before meeting Ray’s eyes again.

“You're a loner. You keep your distance. You travel freely through foreign lands. You're rootless. You're very comfortable here with your glass of scotch, but you're just as comfortable sleeping in a cave with rebels or sharing dinner in some hole-in-the-wall noodle shop. Your closest friends are strangers. You understand that tight bonds can make you vulnerable, so you're careful not to have any. And that's why you're so conflicted about me. You need me. And you hate that about yourself, because it makes you vulnerable.”

Red took a sip of his scotch and tilted his head. “You know Lizzie, not all of that is correct. I had roots once, my closest friend is still your father. I don’t hate that I need you. I hate that my needing you is going to place you in danger, but you will come to learn Lizzie, there are many different faces for danger to hide behind.”

He sat back, no longer leaning towards her as he digested his own words before shrugging. She was already mad at him. No was as good a time as any.

“Tell me about your husband. Does he know you as well as you know him? Does he know about you as a child? Does he know about the fire?” 

Lizzie shook her head. She hadn’t told Tom the truth, as she knew it, about the fire.

“Where is this contact Reddington? He’s late.”

Red glanced at his watch, amazed to see nearly forty minutes had passed.

“The information should be there by now, no need for us to skip out on dinner Lizzie.”

Liz scowled as she stood up. “You put something in your hat.”

Red was impressed as she stormed over to the hat stand and grabbed his fedora, seeing the picture inside. “That’s Floriana Campo.”

“Guess dinner is over then.”

\----tbl----

All in all, today had worked out well in his eyes. Cooper had informed him his deal had been granted, both Dembe and Luli were currently on their way to the Post Office, and he had uninterrupted time with Lizzie.

As he walked out into the loading area, he smiled, happy to see two people he knew wanted to be around him.

“Dembe!” He pulled the man into a hug, kissing his cheek as he pulled back, uncaring of the snigger Ressler let out, just glad to have his friend back by his side.

“Luli.” She was the one to pull him to her, planting a soft kiss on his lips which he would have enjoyed at any other time, but Lizzie had just appeared in his line of sight and it didn’t sit well with him.

Liz paused as she took in the tall, muscular black man standing close by Ray, his dark eyes sweeping the room until they landed on her. He smiled and she watched as his eyes lit up, wanting nothing more than to run into his arms and wrap him up in a hug like she used to do.

Why hadn’t Ray told her Dembe was coming? The woman currently wrapping herself around Red was only spared a glance. Liz’s entire being was fixed on the man who had picked her up after prom when she was too drunk to move and had hidden that fact from both her father and Raymond.

Her smile dimmed as she realised she wasn’t supposed to know him, and therefore couldn’t throw herself at him as she wanted to. Damn Ray.

She had missed Dembe. He had been her best friend and there had been times in her life when she could have done with him being here. Granted, he was a few years older than her and he was always away whenever Ray was, but they kept in touch constantly and when Ray was around, so was Dembe.

Red watched Dembe and Lizzie stare at each other and knew the pain they both felt. “Lizzie, why don’t you ride with Dembe, Luli and I.”

She wanted to say no just to annoy him, but the chance to catch up with Dembe was more appealing to her.

“Luli can drive.” 

Liz cut her eyes to Red before making her way to the Mercedes Dembe was standing beside, offering him a smile when he opened the door for her.

As soon as they were all inside and on their way to the Campo party, Liz moved across the seat and threw herself into Dembe’s arms.

“I missed you, you jerk.”

Red smiled as his friends’ arms closed around Lizzie, his head dipping to breathe her in. “And I you Elizabeth.”

“Yes, you get a hug and I got a pen in the neck.”

Liz scowled at him, still held within Dembe’s arms.

Dembe chuckled before pulling back to see Liz’s face.

“You stabbed him in the neck?”

Liz shrugged even as Luli twisted her head to throw and incredulous look at Raymond.

Red laughed off her questions.

“I was very proud. No one has come close to killing me since that incident in Spain with Carlos.’

Liz took her seat beside Red again but kept hold of Dembe’s hand.

“A man after my own heart.”

Red cut her a look, not able to tell if she was being serious.

“Yes, well. You may as well get all the teenage girl giggling you two do out of the way before we leave this car.”

Both Dembe and Liz scowled at him this time, but he was proved right moments later as the two reminisced about past events.

He cut a fond smile at the two of them before catching Luli’s eye in the mirror. She wore a look of disbelief on her face. He didn’t blame her. Dembe was a sight to behold when he was with Lizzie. It was like his history rolled off his shoulders and he experienced the teenage years he missed out on through her.

\----tbl----

Liz kept track of Floriana Campo as she moved about the room. Dembe was by the bar, scanning the faces as he finished a beer while Red was three feet behind her searched for mushroom puffs. The look on his face when he realised they were all gone had her smiling. 

She watched as a guest speaker talked about her own experiences with trafficking, Floriana Campo standing off to the side, waiting to be called forward.

Liz watched the buzz in the room, guests eating and drinking and the waiters seamlessly moved amongst them. The thought hit her just as Red grabbed her arm.

“It’s him.”

Damn, she was getting good at this field work.  
\----tbl----

He had tricked her. That was the only thought going through her mind as she marched up to the hotel room where Floriana Campo was being kept safe. He had lied to her again and not only that, he had used her to get to Campo, and now she was in danger.

Dembe was guarding the door. That mean Reddington was already inside.

“Dembe, move please.”

He moved to the side but grabbed her arms to halt her before she entered the room.

“Please do not stab him again Elizabeth, and hear him out. All is not as it seems.”

Liz pulled herself free and tore off into the room, her gaze locked on Red’s.

She ignored Campo as she moved closer. “You hired him?”

Red cut his eyes to Liz before moving them back to Floriana Campo, and she was taken aback by the hate she could read in his gaze.

“What's the headline gonna read? ‘Italian dog born with two heads’ No? How about ‘humanitarian, exposed as fraud, commits suicide’?”

“What did you do?” Liz stepped closer to Campo, glaring at Raymond.

“I didn't do anything. I think the assassin may have slipped her a lethal cocktail of the same barbiturates she uses to drug her children.” The tone of his voice gaze Liz pause and she backed away from Campo and closer to Ray.

Red looked a Liz, knowing she had once looked up to this woman. “She isn’t who you think she is.”

“Shut up Raymond!”

Liz drew her gun discretely, even as Red laughed, shaking his head at Campo. “You shouldn’t have done that.” He was secretly pleased that Liz had realised the truth before Campo had blurted out his name. She had trusted that he knew more than her and had sided with him, even if she was not aware of it. He was.

“I have the antidote right here and I'd be happy to give it to you, as soon as you admit the truth of who you are, what you do. Tell her who you really are. Madam Campo doesn't free children from slavery. She imprisons them. Floriana Campo is the largest distributor of enslaved children in the eastern hemisphere. Her foundation is a front to launder the profits of the Eberhardt cartel, which she runs. She's been eliminating the competition. Good God. The woman had her own husband murdered.”

Campo frantically nodded her head, agreeing with what he was saying, wanting the antidote from him before it was too late. She would worry about the rest later.

Red sat back down and watched as Campo struggled to breath. He reached out and turned Liz around to face him so she wouldn’t have to. 

“What’s happening?” She knew what was happening, she knew what she should be doing, but she couldn’t. This woman who she had looked up to and respected most of her adult life, was responsible for an untold number of horrors on young girls, and if the look on Ray’s face was to believed, there was nothing she could do anyway.

“She preyed on the weak and the innocent while dressed in the wings of a saviour.  
I detest everything about her.”

“Ray…”

He took heart that she was using his name again, but knew she was anguished. He wrapped his arms around her in a hug and his breath caught as she let him. He buried his nose in her neck and breathed in her scent, catching hints of her beneath the perfume she used. Liz sighed and let her head drop to his shoulder, her mind trying to process. She knew they didn’t have long before the other agents reached them and mentally counted to five before pulling back.

She knelt next to the body and checked for a pulse, finding none.

Raymond placed his hat on his head and stood up as agents swamped the room.

\----tbl----

“We've confirmed that Floriana Campo was running a fortune through the Kowloon bank. You were right. The woman ran the Eberhardt cartel. Based on the information you gave; we were able to intercept the shipment and rescue the girls.” Cooper closed the case file he was reading from and looked up at Reddington.

Red cut his eyes to Dembe as he palmed his hat, his intentions on leaving clear.

Liz stood up and moved towards him, her eyes on her boss.

“I’ll walk him out, make sure we have a way to contact him.”

Cooper nodded and watched as the three left together, his brows raised.

\----tbl----

“She did something to Dembe didn’t she.” It wasn’t a question. She had seen the mark the cartel used to brand their victims. And she had seen that mark before, on Dembe’s shoulder.

Dembe paused as he opened the car door for Raymond.

“Please Elizabeth, not now.”

She reached out, mindful of the cameras and shook his hand, grasping it tightly in her own, speaking without words.

Red took his hat off and handed her slip of paper. “This is my current contact number. It changes daily but I will make sure you always have the new number, as well as the address to where I am staying. I will have a burner for you the next time I see you which will automatically be updated with both.”

Liz nodded her head that she understood and watched as Red entered the car. Dembe driving now that Luli wasn’t with them.

“Goodnight Elizabeth.”

“Night Deb.”

He gave her a look. He hadn’t liked that when she was younger, he liked it less now.

The car window rolled down and Red’s face appeared. “Be safe Lizzie.”

She nodded once to him and turned on her heel, heading back into the building.

“We have to do something about Tom. My sources tell me he will wake up soon, and I don’t want her near him any longer than she has to be.”

Dembe met his eye in the mirror. “I have already contact Baz. A team will be in place by morning.”

Raymond nodded as he watched the building pass him by on the way to their safe house.

“Did you tell her?”

He scoffed and fiddled with his hat.

“I told her to ring him. I can only hope she does. Sam is a stubborn son of a bitch. He won’t ring her to tell her, but if she rings him, well, she deserves to know he only has a few months left. They both deserve that time together. I was thinking, we could move him up here, get him set up close to her.”

He blinked away the tear that came to his eye. Sam was a constant in his life and the cancer was eating him alive. What’s worse, was that he was keeping it from Liz.

“I think they would both like that Raymond.”

He met Dembe’s eyes and took a breath, composing himself.

“There better be scotch wherever we are going.”

tbc


	3. Wujing

Three – Pink balloons – Slight changes to the Wujing episode.

He could hear the screaming before the car had stopped. Opening the door just as the tires screeched on the gravel, Raymond ran for the house, his driver following suit.

The front door was no match for brute strength, not when he was so worried, and smashed off the wall as he kicked it in.

All noise within the house stopped suddenly before he heard someone making their way to him in a hurry. His gun was raised and trained on whoever turned the corner. 

He had thought they would be safe here. Who would think to look in Nebraska of all places.

The rushing feet were getting closer and he motioned for his companion to circle around to the back of the property. Raymond counted to three before reaching out, grabbing whoever had dared to come here, and threw them against the wall, his gun under their chin, digging into the skin before he realised who it was.

“Sam!” Raymond lowered his weapon, placing it back in his holster before slouching against the wall.

“What the hell is going on?”

Sam blinked as he caught his breath, aware of how close he had come to death.

“What the hell Ray! What if Liz had come running around that corner?”

Raymond pushed off the wall and glared at his friend. “I heard screaming. I panicked.”

Sam ran a hand through his hair as they both picked up on the sound of Liz making her way to them.

“She has to go to a birthday party today and is refusing to because she knows you were calling in to visit.”

Raymond laughed even as little arms wrapped themselves around his legs.

“Ray! I missed you. Tell Daddy I don’t want to go.”

He looked down at the five-year-old stubbornly glaring up at her father and his heart slowed from its frantic pace of moments before.

“Now Lizzie, birthday parties are fun!”

She transferred her glare to him, causing him to let out a laugh.

“How about you and I make a deal. Your dad and I will drive you to the party, drop you off and then pick you up again and I’ll stay an extra day so we don’t miss out on fun. How does that sound?”

He watched her think over his offer before she looked up to check with her dad.

“But I don’t even like Stinky Steven.”

Raymond shared a look with Sam. “If only she would always think boys are stinky.”

Sam chuckled and knelt to her level, watching as she let go of Ray’s leg so she was only holding on with one hand. The other reached out to him.

“Buttercup, Steven hasn’t been too well lately and this party will really cheer him up.”

Liz sighed, which Raymond held back a chuckle for.

“Okay Daddy, but only if Ray stays another day!”

\----tbl----

Red pulled himself from his thoughts as he stared at the little girl playing with the pink balloon in the park. He had a job to do. A job which involved Lizzie this time. He looked up as Dembe sat beside him.

“I dislike this man.”

Red nodded as he stared at the child and her balloon again. He was not fond of him much either.

“Come on. I need to do a chore before we meet with Lizzie.”

\----tbl----

Liz walked into the shop, hiding a smile as she watched Red try on hats. She made her way to Dembe and leant against the same counter he stood at.

“How long has this been going on?”

Dembe looked at his watch. “Two hours. Make him stop.” The look on his face let her know if his pain did not end soon, he would not be held accountable for his actions.

Liz snorted and walked closer to Red. “You’re torturing Dembe, you know this right?”

Red looked at his friend, seeing that he did indeed look put out. “I offered to get him one or two, he turned me down.”

Liz looked back at Dembe, seeing him roll his eyes before pushing off the counter. “I am going to check the street. Pick a hat already.”

Red smiled as he picked up one more and turned to face Lizzie fully. “Which one?” He wanted her input, but by the look on her face she wasn’t amused. “Fine, I’ll take them both.”

He handed the hats to the elderly man behind the counter. “I’ll take them both.” He waited a beat while his purchase was finalised before his attention returned to Lizzie and led the way out and to his waiting car, Dembe slipping into the driver’s seat as they neared.

“Yesterday, the Chinese killed a CIA agent in Shanghai. They took his computer, which they thought could decode a message they intercepted. It couldn't. They've asked me to help.”

Liz sighed as he held the car door open for her, slipping in and moving over to make room for him.

“You’re working for the Chinese now?” Why was she not surprised?

“Now, you see, you make it sound like treason.” He held her gaze as the car moved off, seeing her lean back into her seat. “So black and white. It's not. It's green. The fact is, American secrets are for sale by an assortment of reputable vendors, myself included. If I don't do this, someone else will. The man who's paying me is called Wujing. Perhaps you've heard of him.” He waited. He knew she would have. At her nod, he continued. “Formerly, he worked for the Ministry of State Security. He's not officially sanctioned by the Chinese. But unofficially, he's contracted to take out rival agents, American, British, it doesn’t matter. The message likely contains the name of another agent.”

Liz groaned. There went her slow afternoon. “I thought he was a myth. A whisper to keep us guessing.”

“That's what they said about deep throat and the G-spot.” Red paused and turned his head, catching her eye, amused to see a faint blush cover her cheeks. “I assure you, Wujing is quite real, and he's hired me. Now you have the chance to catch him. I've already forwarded them your cover.”

Liz turned away from his stare, not wanting to think too closely about the first part of what he had just told her, or his voice as he had said it.

“What is my cover then?” She had resigned herself to it. Even if she said no, Cooper would insist.

Red reached over and squeezed her hand once before she pulled free of him and threw him a glare. The same glare he had been reminiscing on earlier that day. The thought made him smile.

“Carolyn Givins, PhD in Applied Physics from MIT. I've told them you're my new encryption specialist.” He took in the look on her face and sighed. “Listen, this is a guy who the intelligence community has been talking about for decades as if he were a figment. I'm giving you the opportunity to grab him. Now, the good news is he's not even in China. He's right here in your own backyard. If we play our cards right, I can still make Lisbon by breakfast.”

Liz nodded that she understood the importance of this case. “What’s in Lisbon?”

Red sighed and removed his hat. “Have you had a chance to ring Sam?”

She frowned at the seemingly out of the blue question. “No, not yet. I’ve been dealing with Tom.”

Red withheld his growl that he was still in her life and focused back on the matter at hand.

“Elizabeth, you need to ring him.”

He rarely called her by her full name. A shiver up her spine alerted her to the possibility that something was wrong and she pulled her phone out.

Red watched, annoyed that he would only hear one half of the conversation.

“Dad… I’m doing good, considering… that’s one of the reasoning I'm calling actually… yes he’s here with me but… no he hasn’t but he was insistent that I ring… tests?”

Red watched her as Sam undoubtedly explained that the cancer was back and that the doctors were putting him through tests to see how far it had progressed.

“Have they said… no daddy… I can be there later tonight… stop being stubborn, you shouldn’t be alone when you get.. oh. He did?”

Red looked up when Lizzie wacked him on the arm, tears in her eyes even as she moved closer to him on the seat. He lifted his arm, placing it along the back of them, leaving it up to her if she moved any closer.

“So I’ll see you soon then… yeah Dad, I love you.”

Liz waited a few seconds before she closed the phone. He had held something back from her. She knew it. Just like she knew Ray knew more than she did right now.

“When will he get here?”

Red looked at his watch. “I’ll be back from Lisbon tomorrow night, and Sam will be here the day after.”

Liz closed her eyes, rubbing her hand over them, trying desperately not to cry. “What is in Lisbon?”

Red reached his hand out, unable to keep his distance when she was so distraught. He ran his fingers through her hair, rubbing her scalp like he knew she enjoyed. “A specialist. I’m bringing him back for Sam.”

He had no warning before she was in his arms, crying on his shoulder. Red closed his arms around her and rested his head on hers, wishing he could take this pain from her while dealing with his own over it.

“I won’t tell you that everything will be alright Lizzie, we both know better. However, I will promise you that Sam will receive the best treatment money can buy and that he will remain here. Near his family.”

Lizzie pulled back a little to look up at Red, knowing he was including himself in Sam’s family.

“Thank you.”

Red smiled and looked up to see that the car had stopped and that they had reached their destination.

“Work time.”

\-----tbl-----

Liz watched as if in a dream as Red explained to the rest of the task force what the plan was. Half of her was focused on the conversation, the other half was still thinking about her dad. She was not stupid and could read between the lines. Ray obviously knew. Sam definitely knew. She wondered if Dembe knew. And her? Well she guessed she knew. 

Her dad didn’t have much time left.

She felt Ray move closer to her and focused more of her attention on the conversation before her. Red was telling them they had to do the reveal for real, that they couldn’t fake the name or Wujing would know. She didn’t think she could do this. Before she could voice her fear, Aram and Meera pulled out some tech gear and proceeded to talk her through it. She hoped Red was paying attention as well.

\-----tbl-----

He looked at her as if to say, here we go, and Liz took a breath as they were met by one of Wujing’s men. She watched as Red talked his way around the chip in his neck before they were led to an elevator. As it began rapidly descending, she seemed to understand, at the same time as Red, that as far down as they seemed to be travelling, getting the information out may not be as easy as they had expected.

\-----

Liz stared at the dead man lying on the floor, to the back of Red’s neck. He had just shot someone, right in front of her. And she knew it was to save her life.

When Wujing turned his gun on them, Liz didn’t hesitate to step in front of Red, blocking his body from any shot Wujing could get off. Unfortunately, Red took exception to that and abruptly forced her behind himself, his livid eyes on Wujing.

“The moment he sent that message, he became worthless to you. You would have beaten him for another 20 minutes and then killed him yourself. But if I let you kill a contractor of mine, I'll lose the trust of all my others, and that's just bad business. So, if you kill her, you better kill me. Or I'm going to kill you.” Liz shivered at the promise in his voice.

Red watched as a muscle in Wujing’s cheek twitched before he lowered his weapon. 

“We need to leave. Now. Follow me.”

Red gripped Liz by the wrist, not willing to let go of her until they were safe ad she found herself suddenly remembering a time when she used to grip him with the same intensity, only she would wrap her arms around his legs.

\-----

Red watched as Wujing drove away from as his own car pulled up.

“I fear I've disappointed you. The deal was for us to actually catch the criminals on the Blacklist, and now Wujing is as good as halfway to Beijing.”

Liz smirked and pulled down her collar where the tracking patch had been place.

“I don’t think so.”

Red laughed and held the door open for her, knowing the FBI would be picking up Wujing in a matter of moments.

“You always were smart Lizzie.”

She half smiled and turned her head to look out the window, saying nothing more their entire journey. When the car rolled to a stop, she watched as Dembe and Luli got out before she turned to Red.

“Luli can stay with me. Dembe will take you wherever you need to go.” Liz ignored the flare she felt whenever his lips wrapped around Luli’s name.

“You didn’t have to kill him.”

Red swallowed and turned his whole body to face her, his hand reaching out to touch her before he thought better of it and he let it rest on the seat behind her head.

“I believe I will always do whatever I feel I have to do to keep you alive.”  
Liz gave a sad smile. “I said you didn’t have to kill him, not that I didn’t understand why you did it. We could have both been killed, me definitely, if he had been allowed to speak.”

Red took a breath and blew it out slowly. 

“But that doesn’t mean I like it, or that I don’t hate that he had to die.”

Red nodded his head and looked out the window to see Dembe and Luli chatting, unaware of the heaviness inside the car.

“What do you know about Tom?”

His head turned back to Liz, surprised by the question and by how quickly she moved on from the dead Chinese man.

“I know he isn’t who he says he is. Who he works for and what his objective is? I have no idea. But I am looking into it.”

“I took a bullet and casing from the gun to have the lab check it, the results came back and linked it to a murder in Boston, but the file was redacted, heavily.” Liz sighed and rested her head back against the seat, and his arm which he still hadn’t moved. As his fingers moved to run through her hair, she wished she could freeze the moment, just for a bit.

“When will you get back from Lisbon again?”

They were interrupted by her cell ringing, and when she fished it out of her bag, they both saw it was Sam.

“Hey Dad… yes he’s here…” Red watched as she put the phone on speaker.

“Sam, how are you?”

“Ray, I'm glad you are with her for this.”

They both cringed at the weakness in his voice and Liz grabbed Red’s hand. He laced their fingers together and gave her a squeeze before turning his attention to the phone.

“We will have you up here in thirty six hours, I'm leaving for the jet now-“

“No need Ray. The doctors been talking at me all day and the gist of it is, I can’t travel up to D.C.”

Liz leaned forward as if she could actually reach her father through the phone.

“What are you saying dad?”

“Butterball, the cancer is back, and it’s really bad this time. The Docs… Sweetheart I'm sorry but I'm not gonna make it for the holidays this year.”

Liz sucked in a breath as tears began rolling down her cheeks. Red tightened his grip on her and pulled her closer.

“Change of plan then Sam, Liz and I will be there in a few hours.”

Liz nodded her head, unable to speak.

The conversation didn’t last long after that, and even though they had talked little, they could both hear that it had taken a lot from her father.

Red rolled his window down and called to Dembe.

“Change of plans. Tell Edward we are going to Nebraska within the hour.”

Dembe’s eyes cut to Liz even as he pulled his phone out and saw how she had buried herself into Red’s side, sobbing and uncaring of who witnessed it.

Red swallowed his own pain and concentrated on Liz. Sam was everything to her, the only father she had known. Placing her in Sam’s arms so long ago was one of the best decisions he had ever made.

“We’ll be with him soon Lizzie.”

\-----tbl-----


	4. The Stewmaker

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the second update today, Chap 3 and 4 put up

Chapter Four – The Stewmaker 

Liz watched as her dad and Red shared old memories, some of which she had never heard before, some she had. She remembered the times when Ray would come and stay with them for a few weeks a year. That was all they ever saw him and sometimes the year would pass with no visit. At the time, she had believed them when they had told her Ray was too busy working to come visit. He would always call them thought, at least once every month. She knew better now what he was really doing. She remembered too the day she had discovered just who Ray really was. But still, those times when it was the three of them, and then the four of them when Dembe was introduced, were some of the happiest times of her life. Watching her father now, weak, in pain and dying, she longed for the ability to time travel. To go back to when they were happy.

Her dad had been given just six weeks. The cancer had spread to his major organs and there was nothing they could do. He was too weak to move to D.C so he had to stay where he was. Neither she nor Red were happy about that but they had reached a compromise. They would travel back and forth for work, but would base themselves out of Nebraska. Cooper had only agreed to it because Reddington had told them he would only work with her, and she had insisted she would only continue working with the task force if they okayed her using Red’s jet to fly back and forth. They did not know Reddington was with her, his people showed his tracking chip to be in New York unless he was in fact with them or working a Blacklister. They simply believed he had his own agenda in helping her. And he did. Just not the one they thought.

Tom had been another matter. He had insisted on taking time off work to be with her and Sam, appearing hurt when Liz told him she just wanted to be alone with her dad and that she would see him when she flew back to D.C for work. Red had told her his people were following Tom and so far, he had been acting as though it was business as usual. She hadn’t actually spoken to her husband in three days.

They would be leaving Sam soon. Red had a meeting he had to attend and she had a court date. Time must have gotten away from her more than she realised because Dembe was suddenly on his feet and giving Sam a kiss on the cheek before he turned to Red.

“You're due in Port-au-Prince at noon if we're gonna make your appointment.”

Red nodded his head and sighed before looking down at the paper in his lap.

“’It was only through the efforts of an FBI profiler that suspicion began to fall on Hector Lorca, leading to his arrest and indictment’ Well done, Lizzy. Very impressive.”

Sam beamed as Red read out the newspaper headline. His little girl had excelled at her job. “That’s my Butterball.”

Liz smiled as she thought of the pending court case where victims would finally see justice.

“Thanks guys.” She hated to do it, but she turned to her father, “And because of that, I really have to go now. I’ll be back as soon as the trial is over. It shouldn’t take long. If we have no new cases, you’ll see me in the next few days.” She leant down and gave him a kiss before burring her face in his neck, ignoring the hospital smell which clung to him always now.”

“Love you dad.”

Sam echoed her as she grabbed her things and left the room, giving Red the change to say goodbye for now.

It wasn’t long before they were in the car on the way to the jet. He was dropping her off in D.C before heading on to Haiti. 

“I didn’t want to say in front of Sam, but your case is about to go sideways.”

Liz sighed and stretched her neck, a tell she had to indicate she was stressed and pissed.

“What have you heard?”

“Lorca's people have reached out to me. Normally, I wouldn't give him the time of day. He's a vicious, little drug-lord thug. Certainly, nothing there to hold my interest. But their request is of great interest because it concerns you. He’s asking for transportation out of the country, new identity, passport, bank account, credit cards, as well as the proper introductions to re-establish his operations elsewhere. And he wants it by tomorrow night. For whatever reason, Lorca is under the impression he's about to be a free man. I know you have a witness, but something is going to happen Lizzie, I don’t think you are going to have a good day in court.”

\----tbl----

She hated when he was right. And he was. Lorca had escaped. A juror had been poisoned and in the ensuring fuss, US Marshalls were dead and he was gone. She grabbed her phone and moved into the stairway to make her call, not wanting Ressler to overhear.

When Dembe answered the phone, Liz barely let him speak before she demanded Red, only feeling slightly sorry for being abrupt with her friend.

“Sweetheart, not really the most convenient time for me.” He looked at the guns being waved around the room; confident his people would ensure peace was kept as the deal went through.

Liz shivered as she listened to him call her Sweetheart. He had done so before, many times, but the timber of his voice on this occasion caused her breath to catch, just a little. She coughed and tightened her grip on the phone. She needed to remember she was mad at him, and had been for years. Had Sam not been sick, had she not needed his help with Blacklisters, and had she not missed him so damn much, she may have been tougher on him. As it was, in that moment, she felt he had gotten an easy ride from her the last few weeks. She needed to remember that he had lied to her, her entire life. The betrayal she felt as she sat in that lecture hall, watching as the FBI’s most wanted posters were projected onto a screen for all to see, and seeing his face staring down at her. It would do her well to remember that feeling.

“I don’t give a shit. Where the fuck are you?”

Red frowned at the tone of her voice, wondering what had happened between them saying goodbye as she left his plane and this phone call. He had noticed, over the last few weeks, that she had thawed towards him. He knew she wasn’t acting like herself due to work, her home life and Sam, and he had been waiting for the other shoe to drop. But in all the time they had known each other, she had never sworn at him. Even when she had learnt the truth, or some of the truth.

“Haiti.” He kept his voice neutral, trying to suss her out.

“Doing what exactly?”

“Keeping up appearances. I'm a criminal. The minute I stop being one, I become quite useless to you.”

He heard her mumble something and braced himself for harsh words, but that didn’t happen.

“My witness is gone. Lorca's people contacted you. What did they say, exactly?”

Red sighed and scratched the back of his neck. “I told you everything I know. Beyond that, I can’t help.”

“A man's life is at stake! This case matters to me, to the hundreds of families who deserve to know what happened to their loved ones. No bodies were ever recovered. They never got to say goodbye, to bury their dead.”

He could hear it in her voice. She may have been thinking of those families true, but the underlying emotion belonged to Sam. Then what she was actually saying lodged itself in his brain and he stiffened.

“Did you say hundreds? And no bodies have ever been found?”

“What? What are you thinking?” He heard the hope in her voice that he had some information to impart. But he couldn’t. Not without looking into it more himself first. He knew her. She would dive in, regardless of the danger.

“You should go home, Lizzy. Pour yourself a Chardonnay and move on. Your witness is most likely dead. I think you already know that. And if what you're telling me is true, you'll probably never find him, either.” He paused to let that sink in. He knew the witness was dead by now, and he knew she did as well. “How are you holding up?”

“I'm fine. I wish people would stop fucking asking me that.”

“Nice try. But I always know when you're lying.” He ignored the swearing, for now.

Liz growled and barely stopped herself from throwing the phone against the wall.

“Guess that comes from being should a good liar then doesn’t it Reddington.” She spat out his name, hung up before he could reply and put her phone away, only to take it out when it began ringing, just in case it was Sam. It wasn’t. it was Red. She rejected the call and put her cell away before heading back to the others, determined to find Lorca and put him away.

\----tbl----

“What do you want?” Trust him to ring her when she was at the damn crime scene.

“I've been thinking about your case. What do you have so far?”

Liz half smiled. He was going to help her. On a case he had not given them.

“I'm at the crime scene. Or what we think is the crime scene.”

“You didn't find anything.”

“Not much.”

“Tape residue on the walls?”

“How do you know that?”

“Look in the tub. Run your fingers around the drain. Do you smell the chemicals?” He knew now he was right. “You see, Lizzy. Now I'm interested. The Stewmaker is in town. You're going to need a plumber.”

\----tbl----

Red knew something was wrong the moment he stepped off the elevator.

Dembe stepped up just as Ressler accosted him, stopping short of physically restraining the Agent, when Red raised a hand to halt him.

“What did you know about the transport attack? How did he know where to strike? I swear to God, if you had anything to do with Keen being taken-“

Red’s eyes swung to Ressler’s as he realised what was wrong.

“I have a meeting with him in one hour.”

Ressler snorted and shook his head. “Never going to happen.”

Red wondered how many times Ressler was dropped on his head as a baby.

“Your witness is dead, you lost Lorca, and he took Agent Keen. I'd say my meeting with Lorca might be the equivalent of you falling on your ass and landing in a pile of Christmas. You lost her. I can find her. It's that simple.”

And god help the Stewmaker when he found him. 

“As soon as you learn anything, contact me.” Red headed for the elevator, Dembe on his heels.

“I don’t care who you have to deal with or how much it costs, find me something I can use to get her back.”

\-----tbl-----

Liz watched him move about the room, his dog lying calmly at the foot of the bed. He didn’t look like a monster, but she knew better. Monsters hid in plain sight. Watching him now, Red’s words from earlier came back to her and he knew her fear was clear to see on her face.

//  
“The Stewmaker is a true Blacklister. The only fellow to engage when one has a particular sort of disposal problem. He's a chemical expert who turns his victims into chemical stew, thus the nom de guerre. No DNA. No nothing.”  
//

No one knew where she was, who the Stewmaker was. No one was going to magically appear and rescue her from his clutches.

That left only herself. She needed to get out.

\----tbl----

Red fidgeted in the back of the car, Luli beside him and Dembe driving at speed. He wondered if he had shown too much of his hand when he dealt with Lorca when Ressler was present. His worry over Lizzie clouded his judgement. Had Donald picked up on it?

It hadn’t taken much to get a location on Stanley through his dog. They had stopped for meat on the way and as Dembe drew nearer to where he believed Lizzie was being held, Red felt the monster wanting to break free from its cage.

All her life, he had protected her, watched over her. Even when she kicked him out of her life, he was still there, lurking. This was the closest anyone had ever come to taking her away from him, and the fact that it may still happen was causing his famed temper to rise to the surface unchecked.

\----tbl----

Liz had tried to appeal to him but it hadn’t worked. He was so focused on his work, nothing else mattered. She had tried talking about his family, and had thought it was working until he had asked if she was a mother. She knew then, whatever answer she had given would make no difference. He would not be swayed.

As he came near her with a needle, Liz whimpered, knowing this was the beginning of the end.

“It’s a sedative. It'll eventually cause paralysis, yet maintain your sensitivity to pain. I was told to make this hurt.”

Her hands were free, finally. It had taken most of the time she had been sitting there and she was sure her wrists were raw and bleeding but she was free, nearly. “What horrible thing was it that twisted you up inside and made you into the freak that you are?” Liz let her training guide her, all the skills Ray and Sam taught her growing up and all that the FBI had shown her as she attacked him, knocking him down before running out the door, putting all her focus on putting one foot in front of the other.

\----tbl----

“Where the fuck are they!”

Dembe winced as Red’s voice lowered. He too was worried for Liz, but he was also worried for Raymond.

“I’ll check the back woods.”

Red nodded and moved into the back room, horrified to find a large steel bath, filled with god only knew what. Was he too late? Was Lizzie already… he couldn’t even think the words as he felt an invisible fist squeeze his heart. His rage burst forth and he was about to unleash it on the room at large before he heard something being dragged. He stepped back, out of sight, and the relief he felt when he saw her, alive, nearly brought him to his knees.

\-----tbl-----

The despair she felt as he set her down in the chair again was crushing. This was really it; she would never see - 

“You know, I was wrong about you. You're not perfect.” Her eyes closed as Red attacked her tormentor. She was safe.

Red growled as he used a metal bar to knock Stanley out before he used the same chemical filled needle the man had used on Liz. He had helpfully left two more loaded up and ready to go. Once that was done, he called Dembe back and had him place Stanley o the ledge of the tub, secure enough so he would not topple over accidently.

“Do you want me to take her out?”

Red shook his head no. “I need her near me for now.” He couldn’t bare it if she was out of his sight. 

Dembe nodded and together they settled Liz more comfortably in her seat, this time facing away from the horror which had awaited her. Red was about to stand up where her eyes opened to see them both there with her. She couldn’t stop a tear from falling.

The sheer joy he felt at seeing her looking at him took his breath for a moment. She was beautiful. “Hello, Lizzie. The effects will dissipate soon. You're gonna be fine.”

She blinked, the only thing she could do just then and he seemed to understand that she knew she was safe.

Dembe stood behind her, a silent guard as Red turned his attention to her captor.

“Okay. Shall we get started?” Red paused, gathering himself. “A farmer comes home one day to find that everything that gives meaning to his life is gone. Crops are burned, animals slaughtered, bodies and broken pieces of his life strewn about. Everything that he loved, taken from him. His family. One can only imagine the pit of despair, the hours of job-like lamentations, the burden of existence. He makes a promise to himself in those dark hours. A life's work erupts from his knotted mind. Years go by. His suffering becomes complicated. One day he stops. The farmer, who is no longer a farmer sees the wreckage he's left in his wake. It is now he who burns. It is he who slaughters. And he knows, in his heart he must pay. Doesn't he, Stanley?”

Liz listens and understands that Red is talking more about himself than Stanley, and she wants nothing more than to comfort him, for his pain is bare for all to see.

“Maybe he could change. Maybe he's not damaged beyond repair. Maybe he could make amends to all those that he's hurt so terribly. Or maybe not.”

Her eyes widened as she heard the splash, the sound of Stanley being eaten alive by whatever chemical concoction he had cooked up for her, horrified her as the tears poured from her.

Out of the corner of her eyes she watched as Red moved back into the room as Dembe rested a hand on her shoulder.

He knelt at her feet and rested a hand on her face, wiping her tears. “It’s okay Sweetheart, it’s over now.”

It only seemed like seconds passed before the room was full of her team.

\-----tbl-----

“Here. It's horrifying. But at least you can give peace of mind to some of the families.” Liz looked up from the blanket she was fiddling with as she sat in the back of the ambulance, to see Red holding a book out to her. She made no move to take it from him so he set it beside her, trying not to read into that too much.

“You killed him.”

“I did.”

He waited for more but surprisingly, she kept quiet.

“I’ve told you before Lizzie, anything to make sure you are safe.”

“I was safe. You found me. You didn’t have to kill him. You wanted to.”

“Yes.” Red sat beside her, expecting her to flinch away from him, but again she surprised him by moving closer.

“He hurt you Elizabeth. I was so… fearful… when I heard what had happened. The images running through my mind were… When I arrived, and saw what he had planned for you… there is much in my life I have done. Some good, some bad… there are things I regret doing and things I wish I had done… this is never something I will regret. Killing the Stewmaker… My conscious is ok with that one.”

Liz wanted to rest her head on his shoulder, but there was FBI everywhere, so she settled for moving closer until her shoulder touched his.

“How can you live with that?”

Red stood up then and moved to face her, blocking her from the view of everyone else. He reached out and cupped her face in his hands before he leant in and kissed her forehead.

“By keeping you safe Sweetheart.”

\----tbl----

“The book I just gave agent Keen should help to put Lorca or many of his kind away for a nice long time.” Red watched the ambulance drive away with Liz in it. Dembe too. Neither wanted her to travel alone, and Red had unfinished business to take care of.

“Yeah, but Lorca got away.”

“Cost of doing business.” Red turned to Ressler to find him smirking.

“No, you're not just gonna let him go. He was offensive. You didn't like that.”

Red smiled. Maybe Donald wasn’t as stupid as he thought.

“He is on my jet.”

\----tbl----

Red let himself into her hospital room just after two in the morning. Dembe was in a chair by her side and thankfully the FBI agent at the door was a member of the task force’s HRT.

Dembe was currently staring at Liz, having looked up to check who was coming into the room. Red smiled when he saw Dembe’s hand set the gun down.

“We almost lost her today.”

He forgot sometimes about how close they had been.

“We did. But she’s here, alive and with us.”

Red sat on the opposite side of Dembe, lifting Liz’s hand into his own.

“Lorca?”

“Dead.”

Dembe nodded once and rested back in his chair.

“You’re making this a habit, killing people for me.”

The both sat forward as she spoke even as Red winced.

“I won’t apologise for that.”

Liz said nothing. She did not agree with his actions, but she understood them. That was the only reason she wasn’t currently ripping him a new one before telling him to get out of her life. Again.

“Thank you. Not for killing Lorca and Stanley. I will always believe that there is another way than murder, but thank you for coming for me. Both of you.”

Dembe stood and placed a kiss on her forehead before leaving the room, mumbling something about the vending machine.

Red watched him go before he turned his attention to Lizzie.

“There are very few in this world I care for Lizzie.”

He took her hand and held it between both of his and he watched her drift off, or so he thought.

While she presented to sleep, Liz was working through everything that had happened the last few weeks, trying to get perspective on her life.

Her marriage was a sham, her husband a fake.  
Her job was dangerous.  
Her father was dying.  
Raymond Reddington was back in her life and turning it upside down.  
She had been taken by a man who had been ready to deliver her a most painful death.  
Red had already killed too many people both for her and in her presence.

And yet.

When she was a child, Ray had been her most favourite person, right after her dad. He was there for all the milestones along the way, most of the embarrassing rites of passage. She had had the biggest crush on his when she was a teenager and had felt the biggest heartbreak the day she learnt the truth about him.

//

“ – who are late will have missed the preview slides. The list in full will be up on screen in a few moments and we will be going through them one by one.”

Liz sat beside Gwen, a fellow newbie at Quantico.

“I am so late; my alarm didn’t go off. What did I miss?”

Gwen reached out to smooth some hair down from Liz’s head as she chuckled.

“Not much, they went through the top ten list at a glance, but they are going to go through each number, tell us about them, their crimes and all that, so you didn’t really miss much.”

Liz smiled and sat back in her chair to enjoy the show. The first two were wanted for first degree murder and armed robbery, the third for arson. When the image of Number four appeared on screen, Liz felt the breath leave her.

“This one is special folks. He has been on our List for nearly two decades. His name is Raymond Reddington. His crimes include sabotage, destruction of government property, conspiracy, unlawful flight to avoid prosecution, violent crimes in aid of racketeering, RICO violations and weapons violations.”

Liz’s world tilted on its axis. This couldn’t be the same man. 

“He was born in 1960, attended high school and then the Naval academy where he was in naval intelligence and was being groomed for admiral. We currently offer a half a million dollars for his capture.”

Liz was in a daze, so much so that her friend noticed.

“Hey, you ok?”

“I need to go, I think I'm gonna be sick.”

She didn’t remember getting back to her room, or dialling his number. A number that changed every month. Why had she never questioned that?

“Sweetheart this is a surpi-“

“Raymond Reddington.”

There was silence on the other end of the line for all of five seconds.

“I'm coming to see you. I’ll be there tomorrow.” He hung up on her.

Liz slid down the wall until her ass hit the floor. It was true. His voice confirmed it. Whatever hope she had that everything was a mistake had just evaporated.

The man she had respected all her life was a lie. The man who had caught her drinking when she was sixteen and had sobered her up before she went home had blood on his hands. The man she had a crush on, for most of her teenage years, was one of the most wanted men in the country.

She didn’t know how long she had sat there, but her phone rang in her hand and startled her enough she dropped it.

“Hello?” 

“Lizabeth.” 

It was Dembe.

Oh god. More lies.

“Dembe…” Not him too.

“We are coming Elizabeth. We will arrive at lunch time tomorrow. I will text you an address to meet us.”

“Yeah, not like he can come here what with being a wanted fugitive and all!” 

“Let him explain. He is still the same man Elizabeth.”

A rage covered her then like no other. She was calm when she told him to text her the address.

She would meet with them tomorrow. And that would be the end of it. 

//

**Author's Note:**

> My very first Blacklist fic, any good? I thought I'd give it a go after reading so many great fics on here, esp DanielDavies1978 Focal Point. Unbelievable story, I'm hooked


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